How to talk to a vet

Posted By Thomas E. Ricks Tuesday, February 15, 2011 - 6:52 AM Share

It has come to this: Alex Horton, who gives a hoot, has written a piece on his VA blog about how to talk to a veteran without insulting him or pissing him off.

The whole piece is worth reading, but here are his basic five Dos and three Don'ts :

1. Do: Ask About Our Buddies

2. Do: Listen

3. Do: Try To Learn Something

4. Do: Have an Open Mind

5. Don't: Talk Politics

6. Don't: Be Cavalier with Questions. (Especially that old favorite about how many people you killed.)

7. Don't: Assume Everyone Is Crippled With PTSD

8. Do: Something

The U.S. Army/Flickr

EXPLORE:MILITARY
 

AUGUST WEST

1:03 PM ET

February 15, 2011

So how should they talk to us civilians?

Do: Thank us for our moral support.

Don't: Think we have no right to criticize actions of our own gov't.

Don't: Take personally criticism of the gov't.

Don't: Think we are ignorant of why we're really there and how we really got there.

Don't: Dis CinC Obama when you respected a CinC who was a draft-dodging AWOL deserter.

Don't: Come across like Alan West and insult our intelligence and patriotism.

Don't: Think the American public is under any obligation to glorify the military or militarism.

 

MOOJ KILLER

10:34 AM ET

February 16, 2011

As a Vet

Don't: Think we care about your politics.

Don't: Assume that we want to hear it.

Don't: Don't get upset when we don't agree with you.

Don't: Confuse glorification with acknowlegdement.

Don't: Assume that we agreed with the former Pres and disagree with the Current Pres or vice versa because we are in the military.

Do: Give respect, if not it will not be returned to you.

 

KRS

1:19 PM ET

February 15, 2011

Have an open mind...

The author should follow his own advice (4. Have an open mind), and lighten up a bit. Things like this just make veterans more socially awkward. If you can't have a simple conversation with someone without getting offended, then you are the one with the issues.

 

BDL2010

5:59 PM ET

February 15, 2011

The rift already exists

between the civilian and military sectors of our society. When I got home from Iraq I had someone ask if I had PTSD, someone else asked if I killed anyone, another individual wanted to discuss politics and give me their impression of what was going on on the ground while I was there. I knew all of these people prior to having served so I guess they thought it would be just fine to breach basic decency.

I can respect your opinion and viewpoint but no one should be going up to anyone on the street and openly discussing any of these issues. To Veteran's, especially those just back from the war or having served at some point in it, the conversation is not "Simple" by any means.

Overall I would say that the civilian response to those in uniform is largely one of respect, but like anything a few rotten apples can spoil the bushel. My take on the blog is that it is more intended towards family members or those that might have closer contact with veterans.

 

JUSTINPM

3:00 PM ET

February 15, 2011

For me it comes down to this.

Treat each other with mutual respect. Don't assume that simply because you wear a uniform that you're a veins in the teeth killer. It's never a good idea to ask that patently stupid question "Have you killed anybody?" or something to the effect of that. It's in poor taste all of the time.

As far as being in the military, August's "dissing Obama" shouldn't happen. More than a few people in the military were unhappy with President Bush's plans and proposals. That didn't mean you talk about it openly to anybody. Respect the chain of command, and the fact that the civilian populace voted your boss into power.

 

Thomas E. Ricks covered the U.S. military for the Washington Post from 2000 through 2008.

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