When I thank a vet for their service, I'm thanking them for their service. Not the role they played in American domestic or geopolitics.

It's irrelevant to me whether they had "no choice" in their service. The point to me is that they went, they served, they made it back. And yes, I equally appreciate other folks who chose other job/career paths if they are in harm's way that benefits society.

I take it in stride when I get a negative reaction; it happens often enough.

When I was in Iraq from Aug 06-Feb 07 I never left the wire. We received IDF maybe two times, one of which we didn't even know anything had happened until the big voice announced "ALL CLEAR" out of nowhere. So, I can't speak on what it was like to go out on patrols, get shot at, blown up, and do the heavy work of the war.

I was one of about 12 Marines working at a hospital with a bunch of Navy Medical Personnel (some of whom drove me crazy, but all of them were great at their jobs, so I hold them in very high regard). This unique job put me in some very thought provoking situations, thoughts I'm still contemplating today.

We received 112 KIAs, mostly Iraqis, but at least 1/3 were American service members, a few of which died within the Hospital itself (the darkest moments of the deployment). Each one made me contemplate our being there. Each one led me to the thought of some Mom back in the States who at the time had no idea that her son had died in a terrible IED blast or fell victim to a sniper's round, etc., and that within hours she'd be notified, and her world would be flipped upside down forever. Each one led me to ask myself, what the f*** are we doing here?

I've been back nearly 4 years now, left the Marine Corps in 08, and I still can't come to terms with that question. The more I think about it, the more I become sick to my stomach, and each "thank you" only reinforces that feeling. I hope to one day get to the point where "thank you" doesn't make me feel awkward, but I don't see that being anytime soon.

When my uncle came back from Vietnam, with his Purple Heart, folks threw rocks at his bus at Ft Lewis. Then someone bought him a beer at the VFW.

When a female friend of mine came back from Afghanistan, also with a Purple Heart, nobody threw rocks at her bus. But nobody is buying her a beer at the VFW, either.

I try not to think too much about my little place in the geopolitical realities of the wars I've been involved with. I'm glad guys like my uncle went when we needed them. I'm glad my female friend volunteered as well. You don't pick the generation you are born into. Service is a noble thing, even if it is done by some less than nobel people and for sometimes less than noble ends. I'll be sorting this stuff out in my head for quite sometime. In the interim, I've stopped keeping score on what my country owes me and what I owe it.

I tell veteran's thank you and I'm gratious when other tell me the same.

I think you have to look at anger in context. Quite often, anger is only what a person expresses. What they feel is immense grief. That's especially true in people with PTSD and the military population at large. I've talked to psychologists about this, and in making a joke about Rambo once, I was told that "First Blood" is a spot-on model. Rambo kills a few sheriffs' deputies, lights up a national guard battalion, and destroys a town. Why? Because he's angry? No. Because he feels defeated and hopeless. The movie starts with him finding out that his last 'Nam buddy has died. That's significant. Nancy Sherman dedicates an entire chapter to this problem in her book "Stoic Warriors." The issue of what emotions are "appropriate" for a warrior to feel is complicated, and we rarely address it. No one has any trouble talking about the things that make them angry. But if you want to shut a room full of tough-as-nails rangers up, ask them to talk about what makes them sad. "I want to cry" is the elephant in the room.

I think this is a major component of the impassioned pleas you constantly hear not to "cut and run" from either country, lest the sacrifices of the dead will be in vain. We express anger with politicians who waver on the issue and leaders who can't win, but really we're just sad that we've lost loved ones. The problem is that people will be just as bereaved if we "win" in Afghanistan as if we "lose." But that pill is so hard to swallow we don't even talk about it.

In my case, I raged at everyone around me. Man, I'd hate to go back and run the numbers on all the property damage I caused to myself out of anger. Let's see, there was the plate, the car door, the computer, the printer-- I don't even want to think about all the tools I threw while working on the car. Someone's got a nice set of screwdrivers out there, that's for sure.

All of that was just a consequence of my inability, or rather my perception of an inability, to grieve.

What are vets angry about? I think the greatest frustration is the absolute inability to qualify their efforts or quantify the results of them. There seems very little rhyme or reason to what they did or why. You don't go to Iraq or Afghanistan for a year without feeling like you lost something. If nothing else, it's a year of school or life with your family, or at the very least a year you don't have to spend witnessing so much pain and suffering. You want to talk about a "world of hurt," welcome to planet Iraq.

When you can't rationally explain all that suffering, it seems absolutely senseless. You can lose your senses. It's easy to fall into madness, so you get mad. I think if you really want to get to the essence of the problem, you have to discuss things in terms of grief rather than anger. All these people went to war and lost little pieces of themselves. How do you deal with that? There's no amount of compensation that ever makes it "worth the sacrifice." That's why the profligate "thank you's" get wearisome. Everyone coming by and telling you how great Old Yeller was doesn't bring your dog back, and getting a new puppy can almost feel like a slander against the relationship you had with him. But what really grinds some guys' gears is that, even if you shot everyone else's dog (and there are times where you think about it), it wouldn't help a thing. Misery loves company, sure-- but company doesn't cure misery.

Ultimately, it's not about the chip on the vet's shoulder, it's about the hole in his or her heart. The only person who can fix that is them, and all anyone else can do is sit there and be patient with them. Don't underestimate that patience, though. Listen to a guy spew long enough about all the elements of national politics that piss him off, and eventually he'll start sprinkling the pieces of himself into it that show you what's really eating at him. I've sat and listened to a lot of guys, and I'm telling you, they bat a thousand on that score.

At this point, almost everyone's view of WWII is at least one degree removed from the actual event. Tom's description fits in the popular narrative but does that accurately reflect facts? I suspect the perceptions and experiences of WWII veterans was more like those of every other war than not. Look at someone like Paul Fussell. Sixty five years later and he's still angry. Did that stop him from having a successful career? No. In fact, his success is largely predicated on his wartime experience. But is he still angry? Absolutely.

Like every other American war, only a small fraction of the population has served during the two current wars, just as only a small fraction served in WW II or the Civil War. The number who actually served in combat is smaller still. Coming back to a society that hasn't shared the same existence is difficult. More difficult still is to reconcile one's feelings & experiences of a war that lacks a well defined moral clarity. Trying to figure out how the scales balance can take a lifetime.

The people who say "Thank you" mean well. They are doing the best they can. There isn't much else they can do on an individual basis. Maybe it is best to just appreciate the sentiment and gesture for the simple thing it is and leave it at that.

If you are going to take offense at strangers saying "Thank you for your service," then I suggest you not even put on the uniform of the United States in the first place and join some outfit that won't get you anything except sullen stares - like the SS or the Iranian Revolutionary Guard.

When an opportunity presents itself I always thank our uniformed troops for their service. And if you don't like my saying it, you disgrace the uniform you wear.

Perhaps you'd prefer total strangers spitting on you and calling you "war criminal" and "baby killer"? Because it was the prevalence of situations like that in the 60s and 70s that might cause people to come up to you now and say "thank you."

Rant over.

"I'm ready to go/send my children to these wars; I'm ready to pay for them directly through a tax increase." That's sincerity. Thank you? That's a cop-out.

It's not about whether you went total war toe to toe with an evil enemy state in direct defense of the homeland, or sweated in a box for 7 or 15 months, seeing nothing but the same dust. That wasn't your decision, and most Americans realize that. The fact of the matter is you did what America asked of you, and she asks more of some than others. Wasn't your call any more than the guy at the airport with a handshake and poor attempt to connect, and maybe if a thanks is all he's giving, look him in the eye, shake his hand, and let him feel good about that at least.

My old S3 and I were at lunch last drill weekend and we got thanked and handshook by 4-6 people. That happens when you are dining in uniform. You know what? It's awkward, it interrupts lunch, and sometimes you wonder at the motivation - but if you are worth a damn you turn back shake their hand and say "thank you" right back.

I've had quite a few meals anonymously comped - that bothers me because I don't like that, but whatyagonnado. I'd at least like to thank my benefactor.

I don't like yellow ribbons on SUVs or big banners over Wal-Mart because they seem like the "least" someone can do. But I won't begrudge a nice person a handshake and return "thank you." People aren't nice enough as it is, why be a jerk (RD) when someone is trying to be nice to you?

I will add one qualifying statement. In my social circles, esp. church, where people don't understand the military, I am THE de facto expert on all things military and foreign policy. Like it or not. I get asked questions all the time - "what about Korea? What about....? What about DADT? What about women in combat?" I usually try to give the simplest, quickest answer. I often know much more than they do on the subject - hell I come here all the time - but I don't want that to "define" me. I ain't a soldier all the time, at church, and there's lots more layers to me than "soldier." Its hard to be polite sometimes....but I still am.

My least favorite question "Could you get deployed again?" or "You're not gonna get deployed again are you?" If I never hear that one again I'll be happy. Wishful thinking.

[Answer: "Yes, dumbass"....oops, give them the polite version. "as long as I am serving in uniform, yes I can get deployed again."]

Gotta be. You backed me up yesterday ;)

People don't HAVE to thank you for your service so I appreciate it when they do, even if it is often awkward.

The yellow ribbon magnets with the phrase "support our troops" always bothered me because many of those people with the magnets equated "support" with withdrawal. As a Marine, I wanted mission accomplishment above all else. There's nothing more frustrating than to fight for something that you believe in only to hear everyone back home saying that you shouldn't be there and wanting you to withdraw before the mission was complete.

After reading "On Killing" by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, I suspect that some of the mental issues that Iraq vets have are due to the internal conflict of wanting to think that they're fighting for a worthy cause but having politicians and others back home saying that the war is immoral, lost, or a waste of money/time/lives.

Just what "goodwill" does Jaylemeux think we wasted in the Arab world? Iraq was/is a trainwreck because of a laundry list of poor decision making (i.e. going in the first place, how we did it, staying to fix what we broke, etc.). The one thing we probably didn't do was damage goodwill that never existed. We just put a bunch of our kids in closer range to people who hated us already...

The subject of tom's re-posted comment seems hollow at best.
1. While you can point to examples of socio-economic exploitation by military recruiters, you can find the opposite is true, I serve with a large number of peers who are from backgrounds of affluence or are "well educated" and only wanted a chance to give back, as altruistic as it may seem. It is far too simplistic to say the enlisted force is dominated by minority or poorly educated simpletons at the end of their rope.
2. While SS may have perceived the slackening of standards in the enlisted USMC, my own anecdotal experience has shown, especially recently, that programs with high cost training (such as the scout snipers) have increased their standards drastically in order to reduce training costs associated with what is forecast to be a reduced budget. In fact the only "reduction of standards" I have seen is the push to make the officer corps representative of the fleet as a whole, therefore more qualified candidates are pushed away in favor of minorities. I am not at all against the process, but it is SOP today. SS's rants seemed more akin to an old salt bitching about those "kids" who just joined being worse than he was. All military members are guilty of the same thought process at one time or another, but the argument holds little water when critically analyzed.
3. A thoughtful person cannot join our military, which is an arm of our foreign policy, and not expect to be associated with the aspects of that policy. To act offended that you were drawn into something you disagree with before, during or after you joined is to ignore the realities of the U.S. military. To act shocked and alarmed that the U.S. used troops or material in an interventionist fashion is naive at best. Would the author be offended then when the Navy offers tsunami relief in Southeast Asia, or is it only intervention when he disagrees with the motivation? Bad things happen in the military, bad decisions by some affect all, and to become disillusioned because of something you took no part in seems childish. The only thing to do when faced with such a situation is honor your oath and do everything you can to make sure that nothing of the like ever happens on your watch.
4. While some of the yellow ribbon nonsense seems half hearted, and the thank you's tend to make one uncomfortable, it is hard not to accept that it is well intentioned and far better than being spit on by a bunch of baby boomers (sorry to you boomers out there). I find the best response to a thank you is to thank the person for paying their taxes, given i waste thousands of their dollars burning holes in the sky daily.

I share your mutual disdain for jet jocks, as I am a rotary type. However, navy and marine fliers, jets or no, run the actual divisions of their squadron, be it maintenance or natops, or whatever else, they actually lead people and their secondary job is as a flier. This however is untrue of the air force, where they have specific non flying officers to run everything else. After spending one training tour with that bunch ill be happy to never "enter the blue" again.

Thank you for your kind words. Please do come north sometime. My abode is large with plenty of crash space. Beverage is cold or otherwise wet. Be my honor to have a chat.

I understood the reason for the invasion, then the reason changed...at least for me. It went from WMD to helping the people. Those that harped on the WMD's not ebegn there and "The Prez lied to me" crowd either didn't understand or didn't care about the "helping the people" mission.

I guess I was fortunate to be in a position to not commit or allow the commision of the repeated mistakes of the Jaylemeux's command. But then again I was not a LCpl during my three deploiyments. I was either a SSgt, 2ndLt or 1stLt during those tours. A/C did not dictate my tactics then and it would not now. Standing post in a box in 130 degree temps while distastful to the junior Marine does in fact serve a purpose whether you are the one standing post and pissed off or the one being protected by that post.

The world view of a post stander is different than a SNCO or a Commander. So the LCpl can be pissed at the command and at the same time not know what the hell was going on not because he didn't have the capacity to understand it but because he had a very specific mission and command was not it. The again hindsight is 20/20 and too often people change their mind years after they had their experiences and then decide that that was what they were thinking years ago.

I've served a year in Iraq and a year in Afghanistan. I still cringe when strangers or "friends of friends" say "Thank You." I cant say I have mentally tied that disgust to anything as politically tangible as the author or respondents of the blog post have, but it might have something to do with the fact that an honest soldier or marine typically doesn't believe they've done anything special. Its called modesty. But it might run deeper than that.

For myself: Since returning in June from my second tour, I have been the recipient of several benign pleasantries tossed in my direction and when the individual responsible returns to their drink and an alternate discussion they can understand and/or dominate (You've served in combat, they haven't; that's not an arena they want to step into, because you'll win), that "thank you" they have just instinctively fed is far from the tip of their brain, exposing a certain amount of insincerity.

If that same person who says "thank you" for your sacrifice finds that you are both interviewing for the same job, would they step aside as a potential candidate? Probably not. A "thank you" typically indicates that the circumstances behind the statement might warrant repayment in the future, but when most people say it to a veteran, do they really feel that something tangible is owed? Some do, but they are probably in the minority. I dont know that what any of them are thanking a vet for could ever tangibly be repaid by them personally.

Survivor's guilt is a real thing, not just an overused term. That might have something to do with feeling repulsed by gratitude. Most of us know someone who did not return alive. If you want to thank anyone, get involved with a charity or scholarship fund that honors a fallen warrior. Dont say thank you to a living veteran on Memorial Day.

At any rate, I appreciated the blog post, but I still dont feel like anyone has verbalized the issue such that veterans and the rest of America have a mutual understanding. For some vets, that bridge isn't even half built. Who's job is it to build it?

My first post... please be easy... but I cannot stay out of the discussions any longer.... thanks for having this blog... I am in the military and have served at some pretty high places... as well as at the tactical level...

When the knights and lords returned from the final crusade, they found their city states, nations and lands in ruin. The Church and local governments had used the time that the "protectors" were away to squander any and everything they could for personal gain and power... what would follow would be a reckoning... As knights had come to find out that everything they had been told about the crusade, the Arab people, science, and western thought had all been a lie to control them by those in power... this reckoning would be a bloody yet productive correction to the system... from it would come the Renaissance, the Reformation, the age of discovery and the formulation of a new order of things in the treaty of Westphalia...

Ladies and Gentlemen, the crusaders are home and do not like what they see...

A government who started a war in Afghanistan to punish a grievance (just war) turns and begins to nation build for "open markets" and a peace that will not come... That same year, the same government begins planning for and unjust war for resources, preemption and power... less than two years later, if we are to believe the Chairman of the Joint Chief of Staff at that time (GEN Shelton) , our government starts an unjust war knowingly lying to the American people... the branch of government whose job it was to check that power - abdicates its responsibility and, without debate, allows the country to go to war in Iraq...

When military leaders try and tell the Government how best to fight the war, those leaders are berated in public, told they are 'wildly off the mark'... and allow their arrogance to outweigh the military's advice...

That same leader would later persuade his own children not to join the Armed forces to fight for 'the cause' and would later down the road be shamed for using his position at the world bank to advance his girlfriend in position and salary...

Less than a couple of months after starting the war in Iraq... the Government would cut taxes... (who in the hell cuts taxes when you are entering two wars... unless of course you truly believe they will only last months... again arrogance trumps history and professional military advice at the cost of 4,000 lives...

Here is the short of that... Government at the time (Republicans) starts two wars... cuts taxes... Then Democrats take over (fail miserably as well) and now are considering a pay freeze on the military with no repeal of the tax cuts... so, it would appear that we (the military) will now fight your war and pay for it...

In the mean time our countrymen are unemployed and in desperate need of hope... the borders of our country are more violent than the countries we have returned from... and many of our countrymen are being pushed aside for those who have entered this country through illegal means...

The last of the crusaders is due home in a couple of years... you still have time... but you really need to take this as a warning... we do not like what we see... the partisan politics at the sake of the people and our Republic must stop... or there will be a reckoning... peaceful or bloody... the choice will be the people in power... because it is important to remember, our military takes an oath to the Constitution... not a president... or a congress... or a court.... like the press (who is failing as well) we share in the role of the ultimate check and balance... The Constitution will prevail through this... that much I know will be true...

Thank me if you want to... I am on my way back for a second tour in Afghanistan after two in Iraq... but after you thank me... get yourself together and do your part... get this place back to a place worth defending... because we will do it when we get back...

oh yeah, "Thanks" for watching the store while we were away... Love what you have done with the place...

I often feel awkward when being thanked for my service. My mother calls on Veterans Day and thanks me and that is awkward too. The reason I feel odd is not the fault of the person wishing me well but when I’m thanked the experiences of three tours in Iraq flitter back for an instance. All the feelings, the intensity, the dirt, and fear flow for just a moment because I’m reminded in that instance of where I have been.
What I have found in that experience is two things:
1. Most people do tend to be sincere in their thanks and they are trying, if just for a moment, to be grateful.
2. Many people have no concept of what the experience of war is like and want to know our opinion of the war. The follow up question I get is the most perplexing because there is no way to put the experience in a neat, consumable package.
When faced with this situation I have two options:
1. Be a dickhead and alienate someone that may be sincere and honestly want to know what is going on.
2. Be gracious, accept the awkward moment, man up and try to relate to the other person respectfully and honestly.
This blog often discusses the gap between the warriors and the society it protects. These awkward thank yours and the response I give in return is my small way to close that gap with a fellow citizen in a human and genuine way. To be anything but respectful to well wishers only reinforces the notion that we are a separate caste.

I too have experienced the awkwardness that comes with a 'Thank You' from someone. I feel the same way when returning home to some high ranking officer thanking me for my service. I don't do it for them (maybe I should?) I've had meals bought for me. I remember one back in 2005 where a vet saw me with the same unit patch he served with during WWII. He bought me and my NCO lunch. It was humbling. I am truly humbled by outward expression of thanks. I assume that the vast majority of Americans are not thanking me for fighting a war or support our national policies regarding the wars we are in. To me, Americans are trying to express some gratitude. I don’t deserve it; I like what I do. Many likely don’t see themselves as capable of making the commitment. I do not go to war because I support it or not - that is irrelevant to me as a soldier. I go because I have a duty to go; I signed up and vowed to follow orders. While some would view this as a cop out, it isn’t.

I was with a unit extended in Iraq in 2006 (pre-surge) and as a result we got a flurry of reporters asking us if the war was doomed. One was with one of my platoons out on patrol. My First Sergeant was with them and this reporter kept asking my First Sergeant if we should leave Iraq now. Being the guy he is, my First Sergeant ignored this reporter for a while until he blew up. He told the reporter that it didn’t matter what he thought. Armies don’t (and shouldn’t) decide what wars to fight. Those of us outside the policy making circles have an obligation - if all us decided what wars we should fight and what we shouldn’t...well, that would be chaos.

Certainly there is a disconnect between Americans at large and those in uniform. Executed correctly, a draft could close this gap - this blog is reshaping some of my assumptions. I think thanks provide a most cases an honest attempt at making a connection between two disparate groups. I think it is an opportunity to close the gap even if only a hair. There is no need to judge people’s motivations. We are not better than the population we secure. Maybe they are thanking you for serving in spite of faulty policy – who knows.