Ten Things I'm NOT Going To Do
By Jill Sanders Crider
It's been a looonnnggg year,
again. For as much as I'm proud of my husband and excited about his impending
return, I'm a little weary of this "solo act." I married my best
friend because I loved him and I wanted to spend every day of the rest of my
life with him. This "change of mission" hasn't always been easy or fun. With
that in mind, I can't help but chuckle, albeit to myself and ONLY my closest of
friends, as I think back to the times this past year that I've REALLY missed
him… and not in the typical missed "anniversary or family holiday
gathering, gee, I wish he was here" kind of way either! I get misty-eyed just
thinking about the TEN THINGS I'M NOT GOING TO DO NEXT YEAR…
10. JUMPER CABLES. No more going
out and hooking up the endlessly tangled, wiry, used-to be-black cables to the
battery every time I want to drive the truck anywhere! As many times in my life
that I've done the whole "red to red, black to black, wait for it, wait for it,
let it run before disconnecting" ritual, I'm not going to have do it anymore.
Of course, had I routinely and regularly driven the big honkin' beast of a
machine, I would never have had to fool with it in the first place.
9. GARBAGE. No more letting the
kitchen garbage can pile up until not one more thing will fit into it. No
M'am… I'm going to make sure that stinkin' bag gets changed and removed
every single day once he gets home! No more playing "JENGA" with the leaking
milk carton on top of the cardboard soda can carrier over the 3 juice
containers squashed up next to the Lunchable boxes! That goes double for
dragging the industrial size waste container to the curb, in the rain, BEFORE
the garbage truck shows up first thing in the morning!
8. DOG WALKING. No more jumbled
up nylon ropes of leashes! I'm still going to walk my dogs, of course, it's
just that I have THREE dogs and there has only been TWO of us to get the job
done lately. It doesn't sound like a big deal I know, but that extra set of
hands is going to come in handy because two of the dogs have never quite
figured out HOW to walk on a leash properly. One pulls on the leash like he's
plowing a cornfield the whole time and the other… well, it's like trying to
walk a bowl of jello!
7. WEED EAT. First of all, please
answer me this ONE question! Does a weed eater that doesn't break its line
every 15 seconds EVEN exist? Gas, electric, battery… it doesn't matter,
because I'm not going to have to worry about that either! In fact, if my
darling husband likes the charm of my "English Garden" landscaping I've got
going on in our backyard, I might just stick with it!
6. ARMADILLOS. That's right. No
more Armadillos, or ground hogs, or pesky fire ants or even squeaky little
squirrels to be dealt with by me! Oh, I'm certain there are still going to be
regular sightings near and about my residence. However, I am not going to have
to DVR the entire "Billy the Exterminator Marathon" to know how to get rid of
them before they shred my internet and cable lines or chew up the computer
harness in my new car or even ravage my delicate ankles as I prepare for one of
my "Garden" parties. Helloooo… not my job anymore!
5. PINEWOOD. If
you have a son, of any CUB SCOUTING age, the very word "PINEWOOD", strikes fear
in your heart. It is absolutely mind-boggling what one can build (or not) out
of PINEWOOD and RACE it. Heretofore, again, not my task this next year. I don't
care if the finished product promises to be a Cessna CJ3 custom-built for me
and my entire family, I am not going to be the one at Lowe's for a month of
Saturday mornings listening intently to the "Man in the Blue Apron" tell me how
to properly sand a block of wood into something remotely resembling a race car!
4. JIMMY BUFFET AND KENNY
CHESNEY. No longer will I have to endure listening to those catchy little
"beach-calling-my-name" melodies while I wish that I could just hop in the car
and "drive til the map turns blue"… alone. HECK NO! I'm not going to have to
do that even once! Because soon, I can endure listening while I wish I could
hop in the car and "drive ‘til the map turns blue" WITH my husband. (Still
gonna have to deal with that whole "Could you please just take a flippin' day
off for a change?" issue, but hey, my JB will be cranked up so loud I won't
hear what his response will be!)
3. LEAN CUISINE, WEIGHT WATCHERS
AND DIGIORNO FOR ONE. I am so utterly over "SINGLE SERVING SIZE" in anything
and everything that I could just SCREAM! Even what I believed to be the very last
holdout; the very one I could always count on… Nope not anymore. Gone. Done.
Over. End of an era. The Ben and Jerry's that I have so lovingly shared with
mon'amour has finally caved to the mounting consumer demand for individual
servings. Please tell me what is CHUNKY about a 3.2 ounce serving of MONKEY?!
No more purchasing SINGLE-sized anything! From this moment on, it's going to be
nothing but Stouffer's FAMILY DELUXE BUFFET and Banquets HUNGRY HUNGRY MAN
dinners getting my money!
2. LUGGAGE. For those that
already know me, this comes as no surprise. I DETEST carrying my own luggage. I
am not going to do it. It's not that I'm incapable of it or that I'm "above"
doing so. It's just such… a laborious PAIN. In the past year, I have gone
from "Toting my Brightons" to "Hauling my Samsonites" from one end of this
planet to the other! I loathed every second of it. I was in DC over the summer
and daaaannnngggg if that bellman at The Willard Hotel didn't look like THE
best thing I had seen in MANY, MANY months! Okay, okay, maybe it WAS the
uniform… I do happen to LOVE A MAN IN UNIFORM, but the waaaay that fella'
handily lifted and loaded my Louis Vuittons was downright breathtaking.
1. TAKE A SINGLE MOMENT FOR
GRANTED. We've spent, yet another, year apart. We've both experienced things
that have changed us individually. I've tried new things and visited new
places… without my best friend. Our son, it seems, has grown at least a foot
taller, has new friends, and new interests… all without his Dad. We have
laughed and loved and cried… without him. My husband has missed all of
that… even though I endeavored to include him and make him feel a part of
it.... 6000 miles away from us. Long days have passed too slowly and lonely
nights have seemed eternally long. But… I'm not going to do that this next
year. From this point on, we're going to remember that every moment together is
a true gift. One that we will never take for granted ever again.