What do you think the airline people should have done?
Thanks,
Tom

Perhaps a representative from the airlines, could have exhibited some leadership, understanding human nature that people will hesitate to be the first to volunteer when they are in unfamiliar surroundings, wanting to get home, and approached passengers privately throughout the lounge and explained the situation in person.

Than again, maybe I, in my younger days might have been available to get on the PA and say: a fallen Marine’s family needs X number of seats and would the X number of passengers I know to be companionate please move to left of the other worthless bastards on the right!

I think the correct way to go on about with this would have been to offer incentives. As nice as it would have been for people to volunteer right away, and i would have been glad to give up my seat for the family of a fallen soldier, the airline should have offered better incentives. Whenever there is a booking issue or the plane is over weight, the airline offers either a free upgrade in cabin on the next flight or several hundred dollars plus other comps for those willing to give up their seats.

Randomly selected passengers to privately approach, explain the situation and ask if they could volunteer to take a later flight to help this family. I am confident they would get the seats like this. If not, I think it is preferable to randomly volun-told 6 people by bumping them from the flight than how it was handled.

WILLIAM BRIGHT: They did incentivize it with a $500 flight voucher.

I think the airline should have asked for volunteers one or two times and if they didn't get any takers they should have just randomly selected 6 people, bumped them and then given them some sort of compensation. To put the family through that in what has to be the worst time of their lives is horrible.

It is called empathy Boon. Something I see lacking in too many Americans and younger Americans in general. It appears some passengers gave up their seats, only after possibly feeling some shame at the final public pleading of the airline rep (or realized the compensation they'd receive outweighed the inconvenience).

But than I come from a generation that was marginalized and ignored by American society in general when passing through airports, bus depots, etc., and I suppose events such as this trigger my inner-asshole to come out?

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Boon: Are you the one who would get the knock at the door and possibly find yourself in this situation? I'm an Army wife. I posted the piece on my facebook today and the reaction to it by my (seasoned, mostly Infantry) Army wife friends can be summed up in one word: devastation.

I had read the article before Tom posted it and it has haunted me ever since, for two reasons, I think. One, even though we are only married to the people who are actually fighting the wars, we do feel like we have made tremendous sacrifices and endured a great burden in deployment after deployment. To think that after all those hours waiting and worrying and single-parenting, should my spouse make the ultimate sacrifice I would be faced with a situation like that on top of everything else is numbing. And, two, the creeping feeling that a sort of compassion fatigue really has set in in the civilian world. As if the public is saying to us, "Alright, you guys, we know you've made a lot of sacrifices, but aren't you kind of used to it now? Do you really have to remind us that this war is still going on?"

Sorry GTDKate, but the alienation is a two-way street. I'm with Boon on this one. This could have been any sort of tragedy, military or civilian, and the public would have been equally Semper I. The fact that this grieving family was a military one should be secondary. If their child had been a backpacker killed in Nepal and was about to be repatriated to La Guardia, should they have received any less preferential treatment? Of course not. This is not about military vs. civilian. This is about more than that.

And you know what, while I'm on the subject: I'm sick of this growing military exceptionalism, and I'm worried that much of it is driven by spouses. Not parents - the ones who have the least choice in the matter - but fellow volunteers. Now, why is that? I've served on and off over the past nine years. I'm about to re-enlist; my wife is about to enlist. We know about separation. But I volunteered to serve, and my wife volunteered to marry me. We knew the risks and the sacrifices. Yet, day in, day out, we see spouses make a big fuss on the internet, and I think it's largely because the web has provided an emotional blow-out valve. I know deployments are tough and emotional, but in the end this internet-driven hysteria is both attention-seeking and causes long-term damage to civil-military relations.

I keep hearing about how the civilian world needs to show more compassion and empathy for the military. Well, guess what: the whole nation needs to show more compassion and empathy, period.

And many military people are the first to say they're better than civilians. Compounding that, we've become so politically slanted that the general tone of the military is sadly closer to Tea Party than Big Tent these days. And, once again, we're all volunteers. Yet despite our exceptionalism, we somehow also want respect from the same people we look down on? Despite our volunteerism, we want people to endlessly thank us and give us attention for volunteering? Give them a break.

On an even more un-pc note, I think much of this is driven not just by spouses, but specifically by wives. It reminds me a lot of the same kind of emotionalism I've seen in civilian life among activists. Too much patriarchy is bad. But on the flipside - and this is something we've yet to stare in the face post-1960s - when you have women disproportionately running the show, things often get too hysterical. A lot of raw emotion is re-packaged as outrage and sold as something more than that it is (men do the same and re-package it as anger). Too much of this military spouse activism is emotions first, rationality second. Of course that leads to "compassion fatigue".

How about, instead of focusing on tugging at the civilian heartstrings, we tried to figure out ways to educate the public about how the military and modern warfare works instead? No big show and dance. Just a small step or program here and there.

Because, despite the emotions, I don't think the general public knows much about the realities of war (in the same way that, despite all the doctor shows like Greys Anatomy, few people know about the realities of medicine).

Long-term civil-military rapprochement isn't about emotions. It's about knowing the facts involved. If we had a better-educated public, we would still have the lack of empathy in general, but at least the public would have a better understanding of what's actually happening in Afghanistan. And a better-educated polis would surely hold its leadership to more account. I'd rather have a civilian asking their congresswoman why we're wasting money on a second F-35 engine than grab a tissue to cry for the poor, poor all-volunteer military community.

You hit the nail on the head. I'm embarrassed by the extent to which people feel they are entitled to be lionized and given exceptions because they volunteered to join the military. I'm a combat arms officer and a veteran of Afghanistan (I've only been back for three months) and I really think that the fawning treatment that you described does a disservice because it riles people up and creates a sense of entitlement and a persecution complex, particularly among the young spouses of young soldiers. Spoiled on such gentle praises, people in the military often times get so virulent in the face of any criticism that you practically have to spell out the bad words (like, "bloated, incestuous defense procurement and unsustainable largesse") to avoid angering baby.

This situation with the family of this Marine is a byproduct of modern air travel, but it's not a tragedy. What's tragic is that this kid died in Afghanistan, where we have been since he was 15. What's tragic that the blanket back-patting and thumbs-upping treatment expected by soldiers and readily given by the public (coupled with a total ignorance of what Afghanistan is actually like) is allowing us to throw good money after bad year after year, not to mention the cost in lives of 24-year-old Americans and god knows how many Afghans.

I'm a military spouse. It's not usually ourselves that we're concerned about - it's the children. Yeah, we picked this life, but they didn't. Do people really not see that?

I grew up as a military brat. It was a great life for me. BUT, my father last deployed in 1972, when I was an infant. He was gone a lot, yes, but not for a year at a time and we didn't have the threat of war, injury and death hanging over our heads. An entire generation of military kids is growing up in a way we can't imagine right now. Depression, anxiety, and yes, even suicide, are increasing in military children. This is something every single one of us should be concerned and proactive about. And clearly, based on the "Get over the pity party" comments I'm seeing from people who should know better, it's a message that not many people are getting.

So, hell YES, I'm going to keep speaking up. And don't you DARE tell me to shut up and quit whining. Our children deserve better.

I'm just going to assume that this didn't occur to you instead of assuming that you're a selfish bastard. Because that seems to be the assumption a whole lot of people are making about military spouses.

Boon: It's a non-issue to you, but you take the time to post a comment and attempt to spin the story into something it's not. Nice try! I'm guessing you work for CNN. Your comments are typical, one-dimensional thinking for most of Americas "Live and let Live" populace who take no pride in the country they live in. To call this story a "Non-Issue" is deplorable, to say the least. What is relevant about this story, and probably nags at you, is, most Americans have never thanked a Vet for their service and sacrifice and never will. You should feel guilty for not being part of the thousands of men and women who have sacrificed for the for good of this country. As a current member of the armed forces, preparing to deploy to Afghanistan, I can promise you I WILL DO WHATEVER IS NECESSARY, UP TO AND INCLUDING LAYING DOWN MY LIFE, TO ENSURE FUTURE GENERATIONS IN THIS COUNTRY ENJOY THE SAME FREEDOMS AND LIBERTIES AS WE DO RIGHT KNOW.
I will serve my country and not expect any thanks from you, the airlines or the liberal left. I serve because my mom is too old, my son is too you young and people like you who won't.

On the other hand, this isn't Fox News. Just because we're criticizing doesn't mean posters here are assuming spouses are "selfish bastards". That's both reductio ad absurdum and precisely the kind of emotional firecracker that creates divisions when repeated over time. There is a middle ground to every debate, somewhere between denial and the apocalypse.

Military kids are getting screwed up. And yes, a lot of the causal factors are different than even in Vietnam. There's a different mix in play than in previous wars: longer wars than ever before, more deployments, an increase in post-nuclear families, increasing teenage alienation in general, and so forth. And the studies are all over the place, particularly when it comes to measuring child resilience and suggesting improvements.

But little of this has to do with social awareness and more to do with concrete programs. How can we actually manifest social appreciation for these kids? This issue is far more complex than receiving constant 'thank yous' and praise from non-military people. We've spent decades trying to create means for compensating for a missing parent, and we will never find a magic formula. Pats on the back certainly ain't it. My guess is that specific actions, like expanding Big Brother/Big Sister-type programs targeting children whose parents are deployed, will do far more good than "awareness". I suggest focusing (y)our energy more on specific programs than rhetoric if you truly want to be proactive.

Also, think of other subcultures with worse problems. The symptoms you describe are emphatically Not limited to military brats. JMARK hit the nail on the head when he wrote about the Balkanization of American society. Have you ever thanked an urban black mother for bringing up her child under circumstances that are FAR more damaging to children's health and futures than the military? Where is the outrage over civilian sailors' children, who spend much time without a parent (plus there's pirates now, too!)? What about the sons and daughters of aid workers, contractors and foreign service officers in Afghanistan?

The problem with Balkanization is that we lose focus on our place in society. We're not the only ones having a tough time. And we shouldn't consider ourselves better than others because we've Chosen to live a different lifestyle with all its pros and cons for both ourselves and our dependents.

PS: And a wag of the finger for you, ITWORKS. What's the deal with the shrill stuff? On the one hand, you complain about the lack of appreciation from broader society. On the other, you write that you don't expect any thanks. And you use ALL CAPS.

Talk about emotionally charged. Of course, "liberal left" kind of gives away your world focus

I'll put it to you simply, dude: most of us are sick and tired of the kids in adult bodies -- on the left AND the right -- who try to ruin every debate through temper tantrums and nonsensical arguments based on emotion and the need to feel they're part of some special Camelot. This website has some great comment threads full of insight. Don't waste everyone's time by being a baby in an adult body.

I wasn't going to continue beating this horse, but something in ITWORKS comments brought me back to why this exceptionalism is a problem in the broader context of civ-military relations. When he/she said that they would expect no help from the liberal left, that to me spoke of a bigger problem over politicization of our armed forces. It was immediately assumed that because I didn't see this the same way I must not have served, and am therefore a liberal and thus an enemy of the armed forces. To me, this is problem. We swallow this narrative that half of society is against us, and it just so happens that said half is represented by the political party that now runs the government. That, to me, is a bigger problem than a sense of entitlement, because we are supposed to be apolitical servants of the nation.
Instead, we tend to see ourselves as persecuted by the left, which can be extrapolated to mean the rest of civil society since the democratic party now controls 2/3 branches of the government, and society voted for them. That's not to say that servicemen can not hold political opinions, but we've ended up creating this self-fulfilling prophecy where every time a service member and his/her family is slighted we attribute it to people of a particular political bent. As callous as those people were, I didn't read anything attributing their indifference to their political views. I didn't read anything about them wearing Obama T-shirts, or saying "No, Bush is a Nazi."
Yet many of us will assume that these people must have been liberals because we believe liberals hate us and our families. It gets co opted by a larger narrative that isn't really about service members or their families, but about politics. It increases the sentiment of its us against them, and every time we find an unfortunate news story like this one, there will inevitably be the cry of "See! That's what they think of us!"
I don't know which comes first when people see these stories, personal politics or a persecution complex, but inevitably many see this through a political lens that encourages the idea that we are being stabbed in the back by the civilians (ie. the left). Another implication is because most civilians never serve, their views don't matter when it comes to the larger discussions about the war and military policy, but I'm really starting to go off on my own tangent here.
Finally to ITWORKS, I wish you the best of luck in your upcoming deployment and hope that you and your unit make it back safely. I will be joining you in theater with mine very soon.

Good call with the Kitty metaphor...this may be a case where they all just sat around thinking someone else would do it, so why get involved.
That being said...does anyone know what the other people on the plane were flying for. Not saying all were headed to a funeral, but it may lend even more context to it.

You hit the nail on the head. It's about humanity.

My solution for us all- let's take our indignation over this story and be better neighbors.

When it snows, shovel your sidewalk and then shovel the sidewalk of the old widow next door, or the single mom across the street.

Cut her grass, carry her groceries in, or just be a friendly neighbor.

Maybe on the plane, take your earbuds out and talk to the person next to you (although I admit I like to veg out and be anonymous for a few hours)

Charity begins at home. Outrage and $1.09 will buy you a cup of 7-11 coffee.

Your points about Dubya's call to arms - which I might add Obama has made zero improvement upon - all spot on, all something I have been calling for which would be much more meaningful and productive. Stuff like conservation efforts, recycling, car-pooling (anything to reduce our driving need for more, more, oil). Those would make me much happier than seeing another damnable yellow ribbon sticker on the back of someone's SUV. ( BTW My old-school mother hung yellow ribbons on her trees anytime her now deceased husband or 3 sons deployed somewhere - THAT actually means something). BTW I also get embarassed by the "thanks for your service" stuff and even the free meal I score if happen to be in uniform for some reason. I guess it is better than the alternative a Vietnam vet might have faced, but I know the reasons why I do what I do and I don't need unusual means of adulation by the public. Just me I guess.

My wife had the same experience in our neighborhood when I was gone. Lots of promises for help. People never bothered to even call to say "hello", or "how you doing?" Now we live in an insulated part of the country where people hibernate for much of the year - but still. If you say you will do something, please do it. To their great credit the one time she really needed help a few great neighbors provided it. But this isn't something we expect because I am a soldier. It's something we (sorta) expect because we are neighbors and we would do the same thing or better for someone else in need.

In the endgame we keep holding out for a great leader to fix our ailments. But people fear empowerment because it comes with responsibility. The only people who are really gonna fix our problems aren't the pols - its the people themselves. Stop the free chicken and sense of entitlement, be good to other people.

Slightly offtopic but supportive of my previous post. Here's an excellent link about Obama's chance to define himself - and how he keeps kinda muffing it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/06/opinion/06rich.html?src=me&ref=homepage

... wars now, but this--"Where kids once rolled wagons down the street collecting tin cans for the WWII war effort and the USG sold bonds and rationed fuel and other wartime essentials"--is far from the entire story of WWII. We've been sold a bag of goods by the Spielberg/Hanks crowd of rose-colored panderers. See Michael C. C. Adams's THE BEST WAR EVER: He does fantastic work showing Americans were as selfish, corrupt, and ignorant then as most of us think they are now.

JMARK, I think you are on point with a lot of what you say, but I would like to correct your second-to-last paragraph. I'm a service member with 5 years of service, and I get my oil and tires changed at jiffy lube. My dad indeed was busy at the office; working his butt off to give me and my family a shot at the American life, just like everyone else. My parents raised my to do all the "old-school" things, helping out older neighbors, holding the door for strangers, carrying someone's groceries...etc.

It seemed like you just jumped out and tried to eviscerate all white-collar dads for raising weak sons because we never learned how to change our oil. One's respect towards others and neighborliness is not related to your ability to perform manual labor or the choice of your cell phone.

DMDennis, you're right and I am sorry for that over-assumption. I was looking for a reason why men's dads didn't teach them manly stuff and I stretched it. It's not the same as being callous and a bad neighbor. I apologize.

I was caught up in the specific example of people I have known, and I guess I associated their yuppieness with being bad neighbors. Correlation is not necessarily causation, though.

But now I'm left without an explanation for my neighbors' lack of helpfulness- rats!